30 May, 2009

Instant Motherhood??

Debbie posted on her blog how, for her, instant motherhood didn't equate to feeling instantly like a Mommy. I started to write this in her comments section, but it got longer and longer, so I decided I'd just make it a post of my own.

I think with us, having C in the NICU for a week was a blessing in disguise. That gave us a mandatory incubation period. By that I don't mean the time he was in an incubator :O) rather a time when we were just alone without a lot of people around (if you don't count all the nurses and doctors.) I am thankful he was one of the most "well" babies in the NICU - it was scary enough as it was. But that gave me hours of just sitting quietly beside him, getting to know him and talk to him and just stare at him while he slept. By the time I could finally hold him, we had certainly already begun connecting.

Being in the delivery room and being right beside the little warming table they lay them on right away, and being one of the first faces he saw (aside from nurses) I am sure helped. Although it was just completely surreal. Like I'd taken some weird trip into TLC and landed in a combo of "A Baby Story" & "Adoption Stories!"

Since Hubby was on his way back from Dallas while C was being born and I was all alone on the adventure, I think the protective Mama lion immediately came out in me. And that carried over into the NICU since I was there alone most of the time while Hubby worked and held down the fort at home and then came over (it is an hour drive) at some point in each day.

The first few weeks home were hard. I'd never been through the newborn phase personally and it is MUCH different than bringing home an 11 month old rigidly sleep trained child. The sleep deprivation was the worst thing and the biggest road block. There's just no way around that.

And I must admit (Hubby and hundreds of others will say "I told you so") there is some magical bond between a Mommy and her baby boy. I really didn't understand beforehand, how could I? But it has happened to me.

So, to sum it all up, I think I bonded with C more quickly than I did with D. Not that I don't love D now with all my heart, but it took me about 3 months to really feel like I was her Mommy. But I think just having the experience of C's first days attributed to our quicker bonding.


TIFFANY & CO. said...

Maybe it's easier the 2nd time around ... it was easier for both my husband & I to bond to our 2nd adopted child as well. She was also a newborn compared to an older baby the 1st time ... maybe that plays a role too. FOr me, the sleepless nights were well worth being able to hold & cuddle a newborn! :)

U.N. Mama said...

Ah Suz, I will not, no I will not say "I told you so" no matter how much I want to! I am just glad God gave you a son. I KNEW you would love being the Mama to a boy :o)

Stacy, Pat and Aidan said...

Isn't the mother/son bond amazing?? While it took a little while for me to bond with my son (he was 22 months when we got custody of him) we are firmly attached now and I am all he wants if/when he wakes up at night. I love that little boy something fierce! Like you said, keeping some space for just time alone with the child was the most important thing. . .

jessy said...

I did indeed tell you so.;0)

Lisa said...

I think it has to do with the baby baby part too. I didn't feel the same about my two older ones as I did my babies. We got our yougests kids at just three days old... Thanks for the comment on my weight loss site!